When I Die

I died.
You held a moment of silence…

Wasn’t announced.
No heads bowed.
It slid in sideways like it always does
uninvited
settlin heavy before language could get its boots on.

Tha room dropped its voice.
Air thickened like rain thinkin about it.
Time loosened its collar
quit pretendin it was in charge.

Hands hung open
empty
forgettin what they was raised ta grab.

Breath went bad.
Fast.
High.
That hospital kind
sirens in tha ribs
names said soft so they don’t crack.

Then breath fell back inta its weight.
Dropped down where bones live.
Dragged air across tha cage
like dirt slidin over a box
lowered slow
by people who don’t rush tha ground.

Outside didn’t stop.
Never does.
Leaves tradin places.
Light movin like it ain’t askin permission.
Water rememberin tha old rule
downhill
every damn time.

Eyes quit huntin.
Started takin.

Dust floated like what’s left after fire.
A crack in tha wall split and branched
blood map without blood.
Sun laid down on tha floor
not shinin
restin
like it finally clocked out.

That’s when tha body spoke up.
Once tha racket stepped aside.

Knees popped old promises.
Jaw set its line.
Teeth met teeth
not ta bite
just ta check
yep
bone’s still clockin in.

Memory came low
ankle height
not pictures
temperature.

Cool wood.
Iron.
That hush place
where grief squats a minute
long enough
ta breathe without eyeballs on it.

Pulse showed itself.
Behind tha knees.
At tha throat root.
In that dark spot behind tha eyes
where thinkin ain’t learned words yet
only pressure
only knock.

Silence leaned in close.

Not gentle.
Personal.

Close enough ta smell breath.
Close enough ta pick at tha threads
that keep things tied
nerve
sinew
tha stay together stuff.

Nature didn’t fix a thing.
Didn’t preach.
Didn’t pat my head.

It watched.

Wind passed through
hand on tha back
not pushin
not stoppin
just lettin itself be felt
then movin on.

That’s where tha Sacred Perpetual Moment cracked open.
No start.
No finish.
Just a now wide enough
ta hold loss and leaf
bone and bird
dirt and pulse
all breathin tha same borrowed air.

What I’d been duckin
pulled up a chair.
Sat close.
Kept its mouth shut.
Waited.

Patient
like roots holdin dirt together.

Then tha spell ran backward.

Cord slid home.
Metal kissed metal.
Port met plug.
Good obedient spark.

Dark split open.

That bitten apple lit up white
clean
hard
like a headstone catchin first sun.

Color rushed back too damn fast.
Edges snapped sharp.
Little pictures stood at attention
beggin ta be touched.

Then tha bells.

Ding.
Ding ding.

Tiny bright demands
clatterin like forks and spoons
after tha wake
when nobody knows what ta say.

Hand clenched.
Jaw followed.
Breath cut short ta make room.

Silence grabbed its coat.
Nature stepped back inta tha trees.
Tha moment shut itself
no fuss
no apology.

You say
It’s on.

I call it comin back ta life.

I’m on again…
charged up…
billin for your attention.

Ding…
Ding…
Ring.